Communication Evaluations

As I review the evaluations from the previous assignment I was surprised that each of my participants scores were in close range to the scores that I received completing the same evaluations.  For the verbal aggressiveness my average score was 51 which placed me in the low category. This category states that I am respectful of the viewpoints of others and intelligence of others, and attempt to change their minds with gentle, inoffensive suggestions that do not attack their self-concept. I agree with this statement because I personally do not like conflict. At times, I think this can be a down fault because others perceive this as a weakness and tend to try and take advantage of me.  There have been incidences in my personal and professional life that I believe I should have stood up more for myself.  Instead, I choose to almost take the easy way out and let the person believe and say  whatever they wanted even though I believed they were totally wrong.  However, I noticed that when I am pushed to a certain limit I tend to fly off the handle and become overly expressive then it takes me time to calm down.

In the next next category, Communication Anxiety my average score was 44 which places me in the mild category.  This category states that I feel uneasy in some communication situations and somewhat more confident in other contexts.  Communication does not seem to be something that you worry a great deal about.  This is totally true and each of my respondents and myself had me scored in this category.  I have to admit that I had to learn to become better at public speaking.  I took a course in undergrad that helped me a lot.  Now that I am grade level chair, and had been an union representative for several years I had to adjust to speaking in public.  I never had a problem speaking to my parents and their families.  I just have to remember to use correct English and try not to speak in slang.

The last category was Listening Styles, for this evaluation I fell in group 1.   Group 1 states,  I am people -oriented, I am empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others.  This listening style helps you build relationships, but it can interfere with proper judgment because you tend to be very trusting of others.  This to me is positive and negative.  I believe you should be empathetic and concerned for others.   The problem I have is when others are not empathetic and concerned about me.  In my personal life this is a struggle, and I have been in several relationships that failed because when I needed reciprocity no one was there.  However, when the tables were turned they expected me to bend forwards and backwards to support them.  In cases like this I eventually end up walking away and ending the relationship. The relationship becomes too stressful and I am usually unhappy.

I have to admit the people that I asked to complete the evaluations knew me better than what I thought they did. Their answers were right on point compared to mine.  This totally surprised me because of their age differences and the capacity  in which they know me.

From this assignment it made me aware about my self concept and the perceptions I have of others.  Your self concept helps determines how you communicate with others and  influence your perceptions of others.  You based your judgments of others on your own experiences. It is something that happens naturally.  Professionally and personally the two helps me realize my strengths and weaknesses, from that I can determine what I need to do to improve my relationships.

Communication and Culture

Throughout my years as an public educator I have been in contact with many families from different countries and various backgrounds.  I believe I communicated with them efficiently. I try to respect everybody differences as unique and even though my view points are different from theirs I never try to impose my opinions on them.  There have been situations where I had to understand different customs and beliefs and do things that challenge me but as a professional I think I did a good job.  For instance, I had to speak to a parent that was Muslim about a situation with her child.  The mother would not talk to me she had to wait until the father came to the school.  For me, this was frustrating because it was something simple that I believed the child needed glasses and I believed that since he could not see correctly that was one of the reasons that he was having trouble in class.   For me that was a simple situation in which I just needed conformation that the child would go to the eye doctor. In my opinion, it was nothing serious that needed to wait until the father came to the school.   In this situation I had to put my own beliefs and perspectives to the side and just wait until the father came.  When I spoke to him I tried not to show my frustration even though I had a sense of curiosity about their customs.  Strategies that I can use to help me communicate more effectively with people are: to learn more about the individuals beliefs and customs.  For the situation above I could read the Koran and talk to a Muslim woman or man and ask questions about their religion practices. Possibly visit a Mosque.

A few months ago my neighbor who is Korean stopped me outside and held a conversation with me.  It was very hard to understand her through her heavy accent and lack of the English language.  I did everything I possible could to try and understand her and she did everything to try and get her message across to me.  Finally, she took out a piece of paper and drew a tree on it that had fallen down.  We both began to laugh because she wanted the name of the tree service that I used to remove the tree that had fallen on my house.  That conversation took us 45 minutes to figure out what she was asking me for.  In this situation the best thing we did was to use pictures to gain needed information.  We have talk since this incident but we used her niece as an interpreter.

Non Verbal Communication

Are We There Yet?

This was the first time that I have watched the sitcom,  Are We There Yet?  It was quite interesting but easy to follow along with even with the sound off.   The setting is based around a family in the beginning the show starts with a woman sitting at a computer looking at a pocketbook on the internet.   It is apparent that she wants the pocketbook but it is expensive.  Her husband pays her no attention he is looking at the mail.  The wife draws in his attention and it is apparent that he is shocked at how much the pocketbook costs.  At the same time their son enters the room, leaves with a piece of mail.  He sits down opens it up and starts dancing as he pulls out a new credit card.   The son appears to be between 10-13 years old.    

So far the son and mother were displaying non verbal skills that showed excitement and happiness. The father looked worried and nonchalant as he is unaware that the both of them have plans on shopping with a new credit card. 

When I watched the show with the sound on I realized that I was right on target.  Except that the husband had plans to purchase the expensive pocketbook for his wife as a surprise gift. When he gave her the gift she smiled, smelled the newness of the bag and walked around the room showing off the bag.  The husband was happy that she was happy but was upset to realize that she had already purchased the bag, and had returned it,  as he found her cell phone in the bag.  Meanwhile, their son was brought home by a neighbor and she gave the father receipts of the purchases he had delivered to her house, that the son had charged on his credit card.  The son tries to run away from his father by jumping on a motorized cart.  However, since the cart does not move that fast the father was able to follow him right out the front door.   At that moment the little boy looked worried and the father was upset.  

Basically from this assignment I realize that body language and all non verbal communication is just as important as verbal.  However, sometimes you can come to the wrong conclusions based solely on non verbal communication skills.  I think this assignment shows that in most cases assumptions can be misleading and it is important to ask questions before you cast judgments on people or situations. 

Competent Communication

I can say I truly admire people that have strong communication skills.  That is not one of my strengths. However, I hope as I continue in this class that I will become more efficient.

The people that I admire are:

Bishop T. D. Jakes-Founder and senior pastor of the Potter's House a non-domination church in Texas. One of the issues that I have with certain ministers, which is the reason why I am not receptive to their message, is because they don’t teach me.  They "preach" the word but I am not able to understand what the message is.  There have been incidents while in church I watch people reactions to the sermon and I know they did not learn anything from it.  Instead they get caught up in the hype and the music and for that moment they are spiritual.   As I watch The Potter’s House, I am able to understand what he is talking about and I believe I learn from his sermons. He is a great public speaker because he is confident, animated and uses real life situations to explain his messages.

Afaa Michael Weaver -author, poet and professor. I met Professor Weaver at Rutgers University he was my Afro-American Literature professor.  I remember loving his class.  He exposed us to so much history and literature that we did not know exists.  He had a strong presence in his class.  You knew he was in total control.  He never raised his voice but was stern. However, he was a great listener.  He always asked us for our opinions and he offered great feedback. His feedback was never negative instead it was guiding to get you to think in a different way.  I remembered an assignment in which we had to read the Invisible Man, for whatever reasons I was unable to understand the significance of the yams.  Years later after I graduated from college, I found him online and asked him to explain the answer to me. He did it with no problem.  I was happy that he cared.  I also attended one of his poetry readings in Philadelphia, it was amazing.  Besides being my first poetry reading, he listened to people opinions about his book. He gained my respect by the way he respected us as students.

Mr. Earl Kights-My former 6th grade teacher, current friend and mentor.  When I was a student in his 6^th grade class I could not stand him.  He was strict, sometimes rude and very boisterous.  However, he was an excellent teacher and he made sure when his students left his class they were above and beyond ready to move on. Maybe his personality is the reason why he taught the top classes.  Our friendship developed by him understanding why I was having difficulties in school.  He found out, from some other source that my mother had passed away the year before I entered his class. I was going through an emotional turmoil and I took my bent up feelings out on anybody and everybody. At that time I was very difficult to handle.  It seems strange now but he was able to get me to open up about my feelings of losing my mom by making me complete the obituary section on a class newspaper. 

From that point on we developed a relationship in which I can depend on him for anything.  He respects me as his daughter.  He is one of the best communicators I know because he listens.  I know there have been several incidences that he could have judge me poorly on.  However, he has always let me learn from my mistakes and when he offer advice or opinions I listen because I know he is speaking from his heart and he has my best interests.  A few years ago, he gave me advice on a situation that I was going through.  He told me to stop making excuses for someone’s behavior. I was shock because I didn’t know that I was doing that.  Just from those few simple words made me change how I viewed the situation and I was able to make the needed changes.

I would love to model some of my communication behaviors after each of these individuals.   Each one demonstrates the confidence of knowing what they are talking about and are not afraid to express their opinions and two are great listeners and offer influential feedback.  One is good at using nonverbal communication and vigor to get their message across.

If you would like to read more about Professor Weaver you can visit his website http://www.afaamweaver.com/

If you would like to view any of Bishop T. D. Jakes sermons you can visit his website http://www.tdjakes.org/bishoptdjakes.html or look him up on you tube.